i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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