im holly from the hills drunk
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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