So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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