the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
