I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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