I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
