I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
