Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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