I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
