he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
