You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
