you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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