Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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