You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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