your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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