I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
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We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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