I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize