my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
