i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
