Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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