Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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