Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize