I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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