I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
