apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
