you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
