Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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