I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Apparently you make a good broom.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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