Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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