i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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