So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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