Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
