Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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