i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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