I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
