My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
