im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
