My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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