OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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