So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
