yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
