just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
