Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
