I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I party with great urgency now.
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