chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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