Kiss
Puke
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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