i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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