the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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