I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
