I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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