the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
