I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
