It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
