We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
