her vagine was all disorganized.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
