Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
