would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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