Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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