Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
