You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
