his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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