She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
