Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
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Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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