The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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