I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My life is pants optional.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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