That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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