were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
