whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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