dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
