Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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