He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
