Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
