and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
