My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
