Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
