you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
