I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize