what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
