you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
