Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he fucked my hip out of place.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
