I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
