Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
