I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
