My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
