I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
