piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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