Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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