he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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