he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
